'I'm just an all or nothing kind of person!'
Have you ever said this to yourself at the start or end of a new habit?
A common phrase I hear through wellness coaching.
Do you find that you get all excited about a new healthy habit? You feel so excited and motivated for a new change and can visualise the feelings you'll get when it slots into your life?
You may go a little over board with the new habit; time, money, managing your mind. No room for any flexibility? It's non negotiable. You may even tell the whole world about how great it feels and how motivated you feel.
You're a month in or even 4 months in. Your mind begins to doubt yourself as you struggle to find the time for the habit anymore.
It doesn't feel as exciting and you're finding more blocks are jumping out at you to stop you from doing it.
You're at the point of self doubt. Do you continue?
Your mind tugs at you to tell you that it's too unrealistic. You give in to the exhaustion of it and wipe it out of your life.
Have you been there before? I know I have! It's so obvious when you look back but not so easy to watch and see when your'e in it.
But if we look behind the scenes of your mind, what this really looks like is self sabotage.
At the start, you set yourself up to fail. The way you planned the habit wasn't a fit for your schedule. It wasn't that the habit was wrong.
Our mind was trying to come up with a reason for failure even before you began. There is a reason behind the failure...
'You're just an all of nothing type of person.'
Whenever I hear those words, I know we're tapping into fear. Fear of failure.
So what do we do when those words enter our mind and the noise becomes louder. As the doubt creeps in and we're not able to sustain this behaviour. When the novelty and idea of it wears off?
This is where the work begins.
The two hardest parts of a new habit;
1. At the beginning and taking the first baby step.
2. When we miss the behaviour because of time or something just got in the way.
When you're at the beginning stage and you're wanting to take action, how could the first step of action be small instead of a huge unsustainable leap?
The second scenario is where those words may creep in even louder. There's a block, a barrier.
In that moment, do we work through it and pivot a way round it. Let go of the unrealistic expectations that are trying their best to get you to quit. Is it time for some flexibility?
I actually love it when this happens with a habit as it stops us in our tracks. Brings us back into our life in a mindful way and forces us to asses and evaluate. What's not working? What do we need to change.
The passion for the way you want to feel or the person you want to grow into hasn't changed. It's that circumstances have and its time to adapt and make some changes.
Could I reduce the amount of time I'm spending on the habit? Do I choose a different time of day. Do I need some help or guidance. Do I need some accountability. Do I need some new equipment to make it easier.
This isn't your time to give up. It's the time to lean in and work through it. It's going to come up again and again as your world and YOU evolve.
Don't give up on what you want and how you want to feel in your life because of that sticking point in the journey or because of that all or nothing mindset at the start.
Resilience, repetition, practice, evaluating when it's going wrong, and the willingness to be FLEXIBLE.
That's your winning formula to your healthy habits.