'I'm just an all or nothing kind of person!'
Have you ever said this to yourself at the start or end of a new habit?
A common phrase I hear through wellness coaching.
Do you find that you get all excited about a new healthy habit? You feel so excited and motivated for a new change and can visualise the feelings you'll get when it slots into your life?
You may go a little over board with the new habit; time, money, managing your mind. No room for any flexibility? It's non negotiable. You may even tell the whole world about how great it feels and how motivated you feel.
You're faced with that familiar feeling. Something unexpected has happened, something that may feel out of your control.
The panic kicks in and you may get that knot in your stomach and a tightness taking over your neck and shoulders. Your breathing is a little short and your mouth drier.
When the world external to you feels uncertain, scary, unpredictable and out of your control, how do you show up for you?
Having a positive mindset isn’t about being happy all the time. Even when you are facing the challenging hours, days, weeks or months, you know that this time will pass. There will be calmer, happier, easier, exciting times to come.
Knowing that the human experience is facing the harder times, digging deep to reveal the inner strength that is just waiting for you. To know that good and bad times come in and out of our life just as natural as the ebb and flow of the waves in the ocean.
Sitting in peace, thinking of the day gone by as my mind and body feels exhausted.
I have had one of those challenging days and thought it was important to share this with you. We all have days of overwhelm, negativity, frustration as we are human!
Change has crept into all our lives. The simple things we took for granted seem so far, a walk with a friend, a safe trip to the shop, picking the kids up from a school knowing they’re learning, time and freedom to work in peace, to be able to earn money without fear of the future.
Our minds fear change, especially when it happens so quickly and unexpected.
One thing that is certain about life is that it can be uncertain. When we are head on with a change that feels so out of our control, after the initial shock, we can take back control of that resistant mind to take back power in our internal world.
Our mind wants to freak out like a little one having a tantrum, be self-destructive, buffer away the negative emotions with negative habits and be impulsive out of fear. This was definitely the type of day I had today!
I’ve been having moments of craving some time out from the day to day, time to be alone, to regroup and check in with my internal world whilst feeling guilty that I’m not spending quality time with the kids or enough creative focus on my work for the long term. Emotions of overwhelm creep in and my head feels full and heavy. Oh and the floors need cleaning!
I’m not alone in these emotions. They are just emotions, the thoughts I’m having about the sudden change in life.
Instead of indulging in these feelings, invite them in to sit, feel them and be the watcher as they come and pass by.
So we need some tools in our box to help us with the day to day. Dig deep as some of those tools might be a little dusty.
Write it down
When overwhelm kicks in, slow down and work backwards. What are the thoughts that are triggering the overwhelm emotions. When you say it out loud or write down the thoughts, they might sound a little crazy.
Is fear taking over and clouding the facts?
Create your new norm
Your normal routine has been paused and your mind might be grieving the past. So it’s time to find your new norm, a new routine. Make your bed, get changed, scheduling in your to do list and creating some focus into your days. When the day feels like it’s been a fail, look back and take note of what you have done, not what you haven't.
Identify your hats
Are you wearing lots of hats right now and having to fulfill so many roles all at once; parent, employer, teacher, housekeeper. We need different characteristics for each of these roles and it can be so hard to keep switching between them all. Make a list of the characteristics you need for each one so when you’re having to chop and change each time, you put the right hat on.
Have a day off
Dedicate a day where you can switch off from one of or a few of the roles. Give yourself permission to have that break and honour the switch off. It may even mean switching off your phone or removing and temptation to be in that role. Tell the kids its a free play day and you're staying in your PJs!
Schedule in worry
When you feel your mind is freaking out, other than writing it down, schedule in a time to worry about it. By the time it comes around, you’ll probably have forgotten why you were worrying.
Even more than ever is the time to lean into as much self-care moments in movement, mindfulness and managing your mind. Follow my Instagram and Facebook Page for some inspiration for this @magicmindandbody
Time for a new habit?
If you have more time than usual in isolation, maybe it’s time to create focus with a new healthy habit. Make it consistent, choose the same time each day for the habit, same place and there are ways to make the habit sustainable for when you’re back out in the real world. This is a whole other blog but I'm putting on help on my socials to help you with this.
These are just a few ways to help you face those day to day challenges that keep surfacing in the mind.
We are all having them and it's completely normal.
It’s time to dig deep, be a watcher of those thoughts and begin to lean into this temporary change.
Take those mindfulness moments and be grateful for the ordinary moments that fulfill our world.
Hold space for yourself when you are feeling fragile and know these emotions will pass.
If you are in need of some online coaching during this unsettling time and ready to create some new healthy and sustainable habits, just click on the image below.
It's business as you usual as I challenge myself with lots of different roles at the moment.
Stay safe x
Let’s talk weight loss.
Are you're doing it the right way or the wrong way?
I'm not going to tell you what you should be eating. We are bombarded with so much information, overloaded with the latest trend and what foods to avoid. All I will say is that we are all so bio diverse, so we must be intuitive with our body and tune into what feels right for you.
I'm going to delve into the mindset side of weight loss. Are you coming from a place of control, frustration and watching absolutely everything that you eat?
Shaping your future with the past? That HEALTHIER version of You isn't living in the past, she's in your future.
Pull your imagination out of your head, stretch it, make it bigger and squish it back into your head.
Ok, now your ready......
Imagine YOU in the future and where you want her to be. What is your ultimate goal and aspirations for your future YOU in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years time?
Seems too far away to focus on?
I'm going to use weight loss as an example here but you can use any goal in your life.
How is your failure tolerance?
Are you frozen to take action because you're in fear that you'll fail?
Stuck in the decision making stage because it's safe there and you still feel like you're being productive?
Have you ever said this to yourself before...
" I'll start when I have more confidence."
We wait for the courage to make a change and hope some day it will land in our lap. How long has this mindset kept you frozen where you are and unable to move forward or take the baby step needed to get get started.
The chances are, you've been waiting a while and the confidence hasn't arrived?
It's the ACTION that we take that creates the confidence and not the other way round. We all have had to start from the beginning at some point. Had to feel nervous and vulnerable, worry about failing or not doing it as well as we'd thought we could or fallen down and felt embarrassed.
Do you compare yourself to those who have got what you want and wish you had their confidence to do it?
As the Dalai Lama quotes 'a common mistake is to have expectations of quick results. I feel it is more wise to practice without eyes anxious for signs of quick enlightenment.'
During your path of change, you may feel like you're not getting anywhere. Some days seem like you've even gone backwards and completely tests your ability or confidence to move forward and through the frustration that overwhelms your mad monkey mind. But overtime the small acts of the habit will create a profound change in your life.
I love this analogy I read in my latest read. If you want to start a fire by rubbing 2 sticks together, it won't happen if you stop and start and most defiantly not if you just think about it. I mention it so much but the secret is PRACTICE and CONSISTENCY. 10 minutes everyday is so much more realistic and worthwhile rather than 2 hours over a month.
To help you with your motivation along the way, focus on your performance rather than the results.
I'll use exercise as an example. You have started exercising and your MAD Monkey mind is telling you that you can't see a difference in your waistline. Your mind questions whether this is worthwhile and perhaps it's time you give up as its a complete waste of time. It's taken me so much mental and physical effort to get here with no results with how I look. Just look at that role of fat. (I've heard women talk to themselves like this many times.)
Where do you get your motivation from at this point? Instead, focus on your performance. Can you do an extra push up that you couldn't do before. Can you hold the plank for longer, can you lift that heavy box of wine from the car which you couldn't do before (a genuine observation from one of my clients.)
Slow and steady wins the race and embarks on the biggest changes, not counting your kilos on the scale every day out of habit and to aid your mind into shaming you.
What can you do now that you couldn't do before? What changes in your mind have you done by doing the mental push ups that you didn't do before? Saying no to the mind making you feel guilty for taking time out and honoring the action. The consistent action it takes to maintain your new sustainable habit.
Guess what, it all comes down and starts with the internal chatter of the mind. Watch those thoughts and know you can overcome any blocks.
The start is the hardest part, the rest is just repeat.
Speak soon x
Everything we do is because of a feeling we want or a feeling we want to get away from . Change begins with your thoughts. Struggling and punishing the change out of you won't last.
Any action we take is because of a feeling we want to feel; a habit, an item, a lifestyle. It's not the actual destination but the good feeling we think we will feel when we get there.
Wherever you are right now has come about from a thought. Our thoughts create our feelings which determine what action we will take.